Honestly, the 3 major down days apres-Christmas scared me quite a bit.

So much so, that I have been watching myself to see when I will be starting the spiral after the stress and excitement of New Year’s Eve and New Years Day.

I was not so worried about Monday January 2nd because the 27th was my unwind day. The “day after” the big party/stress was okay – it was the “2nd day after” that blindsided me. I was wondering what emotional state I’d be in yesterday for the first day of school, and when yesterday went okay; I started to really get worried about today.

I was quite busy yesterday, with driving the kids to school, and then I had 1 hour with Jon(all to myself – with no agenda) It was awesome! I made him come to Michael’s with me so that I could buy some paper to make cards to sell. Found some great paper and will show the cards soon. Still working on the whole shopping cart thing. It’s slow going, as it’s not a huge priority to Jon seeing as I can’t pay him his hourly rate, and apparently “sexual favors” won’t put food on the table. Hmmm! That could be taken wrong cause technically they could, but………..well……..I’m just dropping that whole train of thought. It’d only get me in trouble if I kept on going. Any ways, we had coffee and spent our hour doing “stuff” and then I dropped him off at his appt. I came home; played my guitar, and worked on a set list. Then I had to go and get J. J and I spent the afternoon watching videos. He’s a true guy, through and through. He loves it when I just spend time sitting beside him. I don’t even have to say anything, just sit beside him. I don’t do it all that often, so I did, yesterday. Then I had to go and get the girls from school, picked up Jon and hit a dollar store to pick up a few doo-dads for the aforementioned cards. Came home, helped with homework, and made dinner. Jon left for an evening appt., and I put kids to bed, and then sat down to knit a purse.

Wow, When I write it all out it sounds like a did a lot – didn’t feel like it yesterday!

I kept thinking about what today was going to be like? Was it going to be brutal? Was I going to feel it coming? What was going to happen? Well, here I am and so far nothing!

Now I sit here wondering if my busy-ness is just delaying things, or if last week was just a hard week! The thoughts keep swirling through my head – Is tomorrow going to be bad? Or will it be the day after that? Do I stop dreading each day, and being pleasantly surprised when it’s all good? Do I start expecting that it’s going to be good and then fall apart when it hits me? Will I be blindsided again with all the emotionalism? What can I expect?

So many things to think about, and yet I try to not let it overwhelm or consume me. That in itself is hard! It seems like there are so many things that are difficult! I thought being a kid was bad! Why is it that we don’t appreciate how easy being a kid was compared to being an adult? I think that what I get out of all that rambling is that I need to appreciate where I’m at for all the good things that “today” and “now” holds! Again, It all comes back to focus! What am I focused on? Hmmmmm! Deep thoughts for today by me.

I’ll keep you updated on the emotional rollercoaster ride – whether you want it or not!