I AM PREGNANT!!

Yah, I’ve known since Wednesday, but wasn’t feeling very confident. I wasn’t confident that in the end I will walk away from this with a baby in my arms.

Since then, I have gotten more and more excited!

I’ve also come to grips with the fact that there is nothing I can do to keep this pregnancy going. It’s out of my hands, outta my control! Having kept much of Nathaniel’s pregnancy a secret, and then having him die – and having kept my next pregnancy a secret and still losing that baby at 15 weeks(which is past the 12 weeks safety zone that most people give themselves), I have determined that it doesn’t hurt any less if poeple don’t know about it. A loss is a loss no matter how you look at it.

I would much rather have people thinking about and praying for me and the little life inside of me.

I would like to let you all know – especially the people who know me personally, and are in contact with me on a regular basis – that I am a little fragile. This is emotional for me. I am feeling quite strong emotionally, but that is compared to how I have felt over the last year, and may not really be up to par with how a “normal” person should be feeling. I am very happy, and feel very positive about this pregnancy.

However, I probably will not handle it well if I were to be asked repeatedly about how I am doing. If you want to know how I am doing just read-on as I will for sure be putting it down here. This outlet has been a major blessing for me over the past months.

I’m not trying to be rude, but the nicest thing that you could do for me is to pray or send an encouraging card or e-mail or something like that. Please don’t be offended if I don’t respond right away or at all. I am going to be attempting to survive this pregnancy with grace and faith, but at times it may not be easy for me.

To explain a little more,
I have a group of internet friends that have had miscarriages. They all feel safer once they have past the time when they lost their pregnancies. Unfortunatley for me, having had a stillbirth, I don’t really feel that any time is safe, not even the day of delivery….or even after the baby is born. At this point I just have to believe that if it is meant to happen then it will happen, and if it’s not then God will give me the strength to deal with it.

I am looking forward to the day that I can show all of you my beautiful little one. Until then,……..

ETA – I’m not asking you to stay away and not be happy or congratulate me. I’m just asking that, in your love and concern, you realize that if you are asking me the question, “Are you feeling okay? or How’s everything going?” I’ve probably been asked it by a lot of people, and I may not be feeling very great(that particular minute) or confident. An encouragement or thought would mean a lot more to me, than a concerned question. Does this make any more sense? I hope so!