….To the phrase “Sick and Tired!”

I was up last night until 2am. So frustrated and so tired, and yet feeling so sick. I actually barfed up food yesterday.

I felt okay by about 10:30am – felt sick up until then – but then by about 2pm I started to feel sick again. It’s so hard when you are constantly fighting to not puke. I breathe a deep breath, and try to swallow the excess spit in my mouth….try to force the gag reflex back under control. It’s brutal. By dinner time, I just wanted to hide under a rock and not come out. Even moving set me off. I ate dinner, and then about 9pm I went into my bathroom, and………”Gross!”

Why is it the Greek Salad that comes up, and not the strawberries? It was so awful. Then the bathroom smells, and your breath smells, and you have to brush your teeth, and that’s the last thing that you want to do ’cause that sets off a whole new round of gagging. AAAAARRRRRRGGGH!

I took my regular dose of Diclectin last night, and then was going to take some more when I woke up to pee in the middle of the night. That’s a problem when you don’t fall asleep until 2pm, and you go pee right before you fall asleep and the next thing you know is that it’s 7am and the alarm is going off and Jon is burrowing under the covers, and the kids need to be woken up. SUCKS! Last night, I laid in my bed just feeling so gross. I contemplated getting up, but What would I do?, and I really was tired! If I got up then I’d be cold and sick and tired. We turn our heat off at night so the house is freezing. Sounds miserable, eh?

I have really not been complaing during this pregnancy. You, my dear internet friends, have received the worst of my complaints. I have been quite quiet about how I’m feeling, because I really don’t feel like I have the right to complain when I choose to get pregnant, knowing that I’ve had rough pregnancies in the past. Knowing how much I want this baby and that I’d be willing to go through just about anything to have it – it’s still hard!

I made myself get up this morning, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do. I’m going to try to tough it out today in the hopes that I’ll be SO EXHAUSTED tonight that I won’t even have to think about trying to fall asleep. My hope is that my body will just shut down from exhaustion!

Here’s how desperate I am! Just to show you – I tried the motion sickness bands with Geli. It worked, some – it’s amazing how the accupressure points really do work. My biggest hang up with them was that I needed them 24/7 and well…it hurts. I end up with a bruise on the inside of my wrists. I am desperate enough that, today, I am taking the Diclectin all day. I am allowed up to 5 pills a day. Today is a 5 pill day! AND I have the Sea-bands on. I put them on last night, and wore them all night – Still threw up this morning.

Mentally, this is all hard becuase Are they actually working, and I feel bad enough with them on – How bad would I feel if I took them off? and Do I dare try it?

Well, I don’t know any more……….about anything……………..sometimes I just want to cry……………no, I’m not in a depressive funk………….this is all just wearing me down mentally, emotionally and physically, and I don’t have a ton built up in the emotional reserve to draw from.

Well, I’m going to go and look for the silver lining. Have a great day!