I hate exercise! I looooooathe exercise! I keep on attempting to exercise, and I never like it any better.

I went for a walk today! I really want to lose some weight and some inches. It really sucks to start each pregnancy a few pounds heavier than the last. I just keep getting fatter and fatter and fatter. It wouldn’t seem so bad if I was actually still pregnant. I’m willing to gain a few extra pounds in exchange for a baby, but to gain the extra pounds and have no baby to show for it…..SUCKS!

The last time I went to the doctor(the day we found out our baby was no longer alive – Wednesday March 15th) I was 214 pounds. I can hear the gasps and the air is rushing past my head from where all of you have just taken the biggest in breath. It’s okay, breathe, people, BREATHE! I’m sure there are some of you that are in shock, but I haven’t been that much below 200 lbs in the last year.

Just to put it all in perspective, I am 5′ 10″ and weighed 170-175 lbs when I got married 10.5 years ago. I have no real delusions that I will ever make it back to that weight unless my legs get amputated or something. I have tried really hard, and the closest I got 5 years after I had J and just before I got pregnant with Nathaniel was between 185 – 190 lbs. I felt extremely skinny at that point. I’m a big boned gal, and there’s not much I can do about that. Having said all of that…….Right now, I’m too heavy for my liking! Moving on…..

I started eating low carb again on the….Thursday????……no, I think it was Friday. When I went into the hospital on Monday and got on the scale there it said 204 lbs. I really have no idea where I am now. I set my scale to accurately reflect 204 lbs when I got up on Tuesday morning. I’m assuming that because my scale says 202 lbs that hopefully I really have lost a few more pounds, and it’s not just a joke.

Any way, back to the original point of this post……I went for a walk. I forced myself to go for a walk. Did 25 minutes – up the hill, through the forest, up and down the hills, ’round past the park 2 times so J could play for a second, and then back home on the road.

When I was walking regularly – I could do the loop minus the 2nd lap around the park in 10-15 minutes. So, I’m a little slower than I was, but I really haven’t done anything in the last 3 or so months. I’ve pretty much slept and sat….unless vomiting could be considered exercise…..whatcha think? It works out the stomach muscles, and with the frequency that I was doing it, it has to count for something, don’t ya think so?

My main motivation for the walk is that (other than wanting to lose weight and be healthier) I AM EXHAUSTED! I’m not sure if it’s still from the blood loss or from the stress of everything or if I’m just a lazy butt, but it’s getting to me. I’m not so sure that I really believe the whole “if you exercise then you’ll have more energy” spiel, but I’m willing to give it a try. From what I remember when I was walking before (regularly for a couple of months) I really don’t remember feeling all that energetic, and I’m definitely not one of those people who get in a groove and then LOVE to exercise. I hate every minute, every step, every second that I am doing it. Jon says that I did have more energy. As far as he remembers, it made a huge difference.

So, I’ll do it. I’m not sure if I’m going to go tomorrow or if I’ll try to do every other day. I will have to make a decision soon. It’ll probably depend on how sore I am tomorrow, and how desperate I am to lose weight and get healthy and get J out of the house and…well…a whole bunch of other things.

I keep ya posted!

ps. – I cheated on Sunday night. I had some sour candy and a little bit of Ice Cream. Nothing bad since then! Back on track and going strong. We even went to Tim Horton’s today and all I got was a coffee. I really wanted a donut, but NO! Yah me!