Trying Not to Freak Out
Money…apparently we aren’t making enough, and I’m stressing big time.
We’ve been floundering, financially, for almost all of our 11 years of marriage. I wish that we knew more about money when we first got married. We had no debt, were both working with decent paying jobs, and had no kids. We just threw our money away. Now, here we are 11 years into our journey, with a debt the size of a car, 3 kids and we are starting our own company. Sounds like a recipe for a disaster.
I’ve been begging for us to have a “Plan” for a while now. I don’t do well in chaos. I like to know what’s going on – or at least I thought I’d like to know what’s going on. After last night’s pow wow around the kitchen table I’m not so sure that I really wanted to know how badly we actually are doing. We are not really even scraping by – and we need to be bringing more money in than we have been.
I’ve been tring desperatly not to stress. I really don’t want to have a panic attack over it all, but some of the thoughts running through my head go like this.
“Maybe we can move into my grandparents motorhome for the summer and then we will be saving rent for a few months.”
“Maybe we can rent a one room appartment for $400/month for 6months and save some money that way.”
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“Maybe we can cut off our phone and our cable. Jon has a cell phone, and we don’t have to watch TV.”
 ”Maybe I need to go to work. What can I possibly do? I haven’t worked in 11 years! Who would possibly hire me?”
I’m sitting here typing this out trying not to cry. I really don’t want Jon to know how freaked out I am right now, which is totally stupid because he reads my blog and so unless I don’t post this then he’s going to know how freaked out I am as soon as he reads it.
A friend of mine gave us a few hints and tips.
- things like take the child care cheque and put it aside to use for the kids.Â
Novel idea, eh? We’ve been using that to help us scrape by, and I don’t think that I’ve bought my kids anything new in forever. It’s all been hand-me-downs except for new shoes, and fortunately we’ve bought them big enough, and my kids haven’t grown out of them too quickly. We’ve been blessed, but it’s so wearing on me. It’s hard when the kids are asking for stuff and we have no way of getting it for them. I freak every time someone asks our kids to go to a birthday party because how am I going to buy them a present.Â
Another tip was the whole grocery thing, she said that they were told by their financial guy to do $100 per person per month. So, we are going to try that. That’s $600 for our family per month. I’m going to have to get creative. I’m freaking out that I won’t be able to do it, and yet if I can do it, then without changing a thing in our budget - it might be possible to put the child care cheque towards the kids and things that they need.
Driving home from school this morning, I felt so sick to my stomach. I still do! What are we supposed to do? How do we get ourselves from where we are at to a place where it’s possible to function? If we did move, even for a few months we could put away a few extra thousand dollars….would that help with the “wriggle” room? Or would it even make a difference?Â
I really need to finish up here because it’s getting difficult to see through the tears, and Jon is sitting at the kitchen table beside me. Why do I try to hide how I’m feeling from him? I don’t want to put the extra pressure on him. I’m sure he’s already feeling it. If I’m feeling this bad, I can’t imagine how badly he’s feeling, and all that stuff that I went to the counselling for was dealing with me carrying other people’s stuff. I’d love to be able to make this all go away, but I don’t think I can. I can barely hold my own self together on this one, let alone carry his stuff as well.
Got any wisdom for me or a job or anything?
May 2nd, 2006 @ 12:01 pm
Have you thought about selling your homemade purses?I saw one in your posting the other day… and thought, man…I’d buy one…in fact….we should talk!! Maybe market them thru the internet, or a crafts market and see what happens. On a more practical side, back in our struggle days, Jim and I bought tons of Campbell soup and used the recipes on the back of the cans – they were super cheap, complete meals that went along way and the kids liked them. Either way, I hope and pray that your new business will have favour and things will start to look up.
May 2nd, 2006 @ 2:15 pm
I spend $800 a month on groceries and I thought that was a lot and have been working on getting it down – until I realized I was feeding (and diapering) 4 kids, a teenager, my hubby and me and an international student.
The biggest money is spent on foods that are “quick” to put together, you pay for convience. The most money that we spend that “disappears”… is on coffee (not made at home but bought at the drive-thru), I heard someone call it the “Latte Factor”.
We have tossed up the idea of budgeting classes at the church. I have a friend who is awesome at working with next to nothing for recipes and making the almighty dollar stretch, she’s taught and inspired me a lot. Use the wisdom of those God’s placed around you (reference your team before big purchases etc), including if not first … the Holy Spirit. He is the best financial planner!
May 2nd, 2006 @ 6:33 pm
oh man…..I know what you mean…we just had this same fight/discussion yesterday!!! money issues are stressful and being self employed has it’s benefits but struggles too.
advice….well….one idea I heard but never practiced because well….cuz we are dumb!! is to put your grocery $, gas $, extra spending $, all in separate envelopes and then you don’t have to try to keep figuring out how much you have left etx….it is all right there in the envelopes. The couple who told us about it said it really worked……
job – well…..I am desperate to get this house ready to sell…….I have stuff to pack/clean and de-clutter…..and I don’t know if I can do it by myself….so if you want J said it was ok to have you come and help and we will pay you some cashola.
let me know!
thanks
love you guys!!
and I was going to call you about Faith’s birthday party on Sat…..please come….please don’t buy her a gift!!! what does the 4th girl in a family need??? absolutely nothing!! but come for lunch and cake and fellowship!!! @ 11:30 to 4ish or whenever!!!
May 2nd, 2006 @ 6:37 pm
I wish I wasn’t so familiar with that situation! But alas, we are in the same boat. We have our own business which is the sole support of our family.
God deals with me about this on a regular basis. (I’m a little hard headed) But anyway, go ahead and tell your DH how you feel. But be sure to prais him while you do it. Most of the big financial problems we’ve had is when I try to “fix” the problem so DH doesn’t have to deal with it.
Now, I just tell him up front and he always comes up with a plan. Just knowing there’s a plan makes me feel better. If nothing else, just knowing we’re both on the same team makes me feel better.
It’s OK. I heard once that if money can solve your problem, you don’t really have a problem at all.
Sometimes I have to almost chant that over and over. At least my kids are healthy, at least my kids are healthy….
May 2nd, 2006 @ 10:29 pm
Oh Xangelle….I wish I could give you a BIG hug! Take a few deep breaths…and try to relax. Remember that even if you come up with a PLAN, you won’t get out of this ‘debt’ or ‘hole’ right away. We always forget how long it’s taken us to get to this place. It will take some time, but the first step is to realise that ‘Houston, we have a problem’! Sounds like you and hubby have already got that part. Next step is to DO SOMETHING about it. Atleast getting your grocery budget started will be a big help. Grab all your receipts, or go into your bank statement, and figure out how much you have been spending on groceries, and now look at what you’re going to start spending! YOu’ll probably already feel better, cause you’re about to save ALOT OF MONEY! The third step is to SIT DOWN WITH SOMEONE and get something set up for more ways to live with financial boundaries and less stress. If you don’t sit down with someone, you’ll probably chuck you’re changes before too long. See, if we could do this on our own, WE’D HAVE ALREADY DONE IT ALONG TIME AGO. There’s something about recognzing we can’t do it by ourselves, that also breaks alot of the shame off this subject! Anyways..you know where we are – call us! And in the mean time..hold tight..our financial guy will come the first weekend in June to help alot of us, get ahead of the spending game! Help is on the way!
May 3rd, 2006 @ 11:05 am
hey I was at Christa’s last night and I saw ALL her purses…she has soooo many….you guys should really talk about how to sell them!! like approaching dress stores and selling them on consignment..you know you get what you want and the shop gets whatever extra they can sell them for!! win win situation!! you should really look into it cuz you guys make some nice stuff!!! and maybe you could sell your cards too!