Overwhelming…..and other fun stuff
Well, I don’t know what my problem is? I’ve been a little “off” for the past few days. Not in a really bad way - I don’t think?????
I did have a visit by the Aunt on Thursday. First visit since my D&C on March 20th. Yah, you read that right didn’t get a visit for over 2 months. I was starting to worry ’cause I didn’t feel pregnant, so what the heck was goin’ on. No worries! All’s good! I think!?!
Seeing as I haven’t “regularly” cycled since before I got pregnant in January, I think I’ve forgotten some of what goes on with me. For example, I’m feeling a little tired, and my emotions are a little off. I’m not a weeping basket case, but my insecurities are flailing wildly right now. I was at a party on the weekend, and held up a wall for the first half of the party while I tried to find my place/footing/whatever? Weird, haven’t done that in a while!?!
We got some Life Insurance, and all we were supposed to have to do was a saliva test. Somehow, we ended up getting the full-on blood/urine/vials test. WHY??? Who Knows? I was a little panicked about it. Was there something wrong with the saliva test? Would they find something wrong with me. What if I’m really sick or something? I’ve been fighting all these thoughts, and frankly they are wearing me down a little. I’m still winning the fight, but seriously……gimme a break, already!
Why am I even giving all this stuff a second thought?
I was supposed to go grocery shopping this morning, but opted to stay home and get some stuff done. Jon had an apt from 9:30-10:30am that ran a little late. I would have had to try and wangle my shopping time around dropping him off and picking him up. That would have frustrated me. So, I stayed home this morning. I was able to spend some time soaking, I got my house clean, laundry done. I even finished the first set of cards that I’ve been working on.
I have 12 11 different sets of cards in 4 different color/styles with 4 different sayings.
I’m glad I’ve got them done. Now if I can just get the next set done, then I’m good to go. I’ll try to get pics up soon. They’re up on my Flickr acct. We are going to did scan them and see how they’ll turn out, seeing as we don’t have a working camera right now. Hopefully, I can get Jon to figure out something for a store thingy, and then I can finally use that link on my front page.
And, if you’re a praying type person, Could I ask you to send one or two or so… up for me? I’d really like another baby. I know I’ve asked this before, but I’m still asking, ’cause I’d still like another baby. Another Live Baby!
To be truly honest with ya. I’m feeling very discouraged. That could be from the stress and pressure and disappointment of our past losses, or it could be the PMS talking. I’m not sure. I really want to have the faith to believe that it’s going to happen, but I’m not sure how much faith I have for myself on this particular issue. I want to believe that it’s going to happen soon, and yet I’m disappointed that it’s taken this long to start up a new cycle. I’m frustrated that it didn’t happen already. I’m frustrated and tired of feeling disappointed and let down and wondering if this is ever going to happen for me.
Ooops, sudden welling of tears in eyes. Gotta stop talking about this. Don’t really want to lose it right now. Other than this I’m doing good. Love to you all.
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May 29th, 2006 @ 9:24 pm
It’s so hard sometimes to wait and wait… I also often think to myself, “did I really hear God on this one?” The thing is, that the feeling that it is going to happen dosen’t seem to go away, even when I ask God to take the desire away if it’s not His will. He has taught me alot about walking on water. Our Faith sometimes gets foggy and we start to sink and that is when we need to call out to Jesus and He will carry us back to the surface. I will raise my voice to Him for you.
May 30th, 2006 @ 8:11 am
You are definately in my prayers. I had to deal with the baby thing after Syd and I first got married. We wanted to have children but could not as I was already in the big ‘M’. Yes, no more Aunt for me. I am still dealing with it even after all these years. Everytime I see a woman pregnant or a new baby it hits me. Anyway, you are always in my thoughts and prayers my friend.
May 30th, 2006 @ 10:33 am
I remember being fearful when trying to get pregnant with Dani, that we couldn’t…having said that, what I experienced doesn’t even come close to what you have been going through, and words aren’t enough to express how I hope and pray that you’re heart dreams will come true. Your strength through all this has been inspiring…truly.
May 30th, 2006 @ 5:28 pm
You have my prayers for as long as you want ‘em!
May 30th, 2006 @ 9:38 pm
hey girlfriend………thank you SO much for coming over today and helping me!! I really needed the help and you are such a blessing to me……you are always in my prayers.
love you
May 30th, 2006 @ 10:56 pm
Hi Patti You are in my prayers daily ,more than just once. “I know the plans I have for you. How many times you have heard it but it is so true and Psalm 37:4,5 NIV is really a good promise too. Love you,Patti
May 31st, 2006 @ 4:09 pm
You’ve got my prayers but I’m still waiting on pics for the “Up to New Heights” post. You want good blog ratings, don’t you!
May 31st, 2006 @ 4:14 pm
Well, the pics might be a problem, ’cause if you’ve read some of my past posts - My camera ain’t working. Hence the lack of recent pics.
May 9th, 2007 @ 3:24 pm
Cheap cymbalta….
Cheap cymbalta….