I really wanted to like her. Really! I really, really , REALLY wanted to like her, but unfortunately - I don’t think that she is the one.

This is both sad and scary!

Will I actually be able to find a doctor that will be good for us? There are so few accepting, and I don’t have that many options.

I pulled up in front of the Clinic ~which is actually in the basement of a beautiful house out in the country, yet only 10 minutes away from our house~ and parked. Walking into the office, I was pleased! It seemed really nice! It wasn’t until I sat down that I started to notice things. Little, nit-picky things, but “things” nonetheless. The chairs in the waiting room were old and ripped, and the hard wood floor was dirty! Not dirty, as in from today’s traffic, but dirty as in “not been washed in a couple of days.” While this really shouldn’t be the deciding factor, it kinda bugged me!

I waited for over an hour in the waiting room, which was fairly normal for the last doctor I saw, and then another 15 minutes in the room! Seeing the doctor walk through the halls, I really wanted to like her, based solely on looks. She was young, and pretty and friendly. She was a woman, and seemed to be spending time listening and talking with her patients (as I overheard though the thin walls).

These were all bonuses, in my mind (minus the thin walls)!

When she came in to talk to me, I was happy to talk to her, and she seemed to listen to me. There was a fair bit of back and forth conversation, and everything was going well, until I mentioned that I had had a still birth and 3 miscarriages in the last 21 months. She was kind enough to mention that her cousin had had a still birth last year. Just that little bit of empathy was enough to send me over the edge, and I started to cry. This does not bode well when you are trying to tell some one that you are not depressed.

I really do not believe that I am depressed. I also don’t believe that it’s possible to go through a still birth and 3 subsequent losses and not cry from time to time. So, she talked about Karma and about how I should just stop trying to have a baby for about 6 months to a year! I should take that time to see a trained psychologist and meditate and do yoga and Pilate’s. De-Stress myself!

I’m frustrated that she does not get me. I think I need to write out what I need and want and feel and hope for and take that the next time I go. I did write some stuff down, and we did pretty much cover it all, but I still walked away unsatisfied with the whole experience.

My grandma is going to ask if her doc will accept family! He’s close, and nice! We have, I think, 2 other options that I know about and other than that - I don’t know what we are going to do!

I’m very frustrated and disappointed!