Confrontation
What is up right now?
I must be going through some kinda personal growth phase. I’ve had my third opportunity to work through personal confrontation within the last 7 days.
First I got the comment about the “job thing”. You all know how that one played out.
The second one was that I had a friend who was buying some purses from me try to transfer money into my bank account, and the bank told her that they couldn’t transfer the money to my bank account as I didn’t have a “real” bank.
I sent an e-mail to the customer service department of this particular bank, and got the most ridiculous e-mail back, advising me that I should just get my customers to pay by check. That wasn’t the issue. My issue was that SOME BRANCH informed a customer that the company they are buying product from doesn’t use a “REAL BANK”. I sent them a reply to their half assed reply, and I got another retarded e-mail from them saying that they couldn’t help me, and I should talk to my bank about my payment issues.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? HAVE YOU NOT READ MY E-MAILS, AT ALL? I want to know that this won’t happen again. Can you send a memo to tell your branches that it’s really not very professional to tell people that the business they are buying from is not using a real bank? Have you heard anything about professional decency and decorum?
So I sent another e-mail expressing my dissatisfaction, and explaining what I was looking for from them and we’ll see what happens.
The third thing came up yesterday. Geli came home with 2 sheets of paper from 2 different teachers asking her to write lines, plus she had a very curt note for me in her planner.
The first sheet was from the PE teacher, and I had been expecting Geli to get in trouble sometime soon about her gym strip ’cause she’s forgotten it a few times recently. They get three times, and then they get in trouble. I was expecting her to get in trouble so I had no problems when she showed up with a letter and lines to do in regards to her gym strip.
The other lines, and the curt note that accompanied them are a whole ‘nuther story!
Geli has a sheet to fill out for home reading. We do read just about every night, and my kids would read for over an hour if I let them. Geli’s lines said, “I must read 5 nights a week, and complete my sheet. I’m annoyed about two things. One, Geli DOES read all the time. Two, she has a book that she misplaced, and normally she’s allowed 3 books at a time out from the school library, but they won’t let her take the other two out until she returns the misplaced one. Seeing as I have to pay for it, why is she being penalized for something that I have to do, and then why is she getting in trouble for something that is out of her control.
So, I typed this letter, ’cause I was mad, and wanted to be careful about what I said and how I said it. I was able to say everything that I wanted to in a clear, and respectful manner, and to get across that I want to know about any problems or situations or issues as they come up, and not after Geli is in trouble. I explained that I was sending her the letter so that she could have time to read it and to think about what she would like to say or ask, and then I’d like to meet with her so that we can plan going forward.
Honestly, I ve skipped over what I believe are the best parts, but I’ve had the most frustrating last half hour, between (all at the same time) talking with Jon (in person)and La La (on MSN Messenger) and getting e-mails (and dealing with them), and trying to write this post, and wel……..I just want to end this right now! I should have just saved this and come back to it later. Stupid me!
Sorry ’bout that. I have to say that before my big counselling thing earlier this year, I would have been a weeping insecure mess on the floor if all this were to have come up, ’cause some how all of this would be my fault, it would have reflected badly on me as a person, and I would have been devastated, ’cause people thought badly of me.
Now, I just want to deal with it in a head on, straight forward manner, and move on past this. These seem like little rocks on the road, and not even speed bumps, and definitely not the brick walls they would have been before. Seriously, This would have shook me. I’m doing fabulously, and I’m thrilled.
I’ll let ya know how my meeting with Geli’s teacher goes, and if I get a chance, and feel a little less frazzled than I do right now, I’ll try to explain better what I mean…..
Hey, I have an idea! I’ll let you read the letter for your self. You can tell me what you think.
Mrs. Geli’s 3rd Grade Teacher,
I am a little frustrated and disappointed that we were not communicated with before Geli was disciplined (had to write lines), as I wonder if this is really her “fault†or something that should be discussed with us (her parents).
The lines say that she must read 5 nights each week and complete the chart. The issue at hand would be the chart completion, and not a matter of not reading each night.
I have no problem with her being held accountable for her actions. I have no problem with her writing lines or many other forms of discipline. The thing that I have a hard time with is that she would be disciplined, and that I would have no prior notice that there was even a problem.
I would like to be notified before a “problem†or “situation†occurs, or even as an issue starts to unfold. This way, we can work together to ensure that Geli is getting the most of her elementary school education. I believe that what she is learning now is much more than just the total of her tests and other project scores. I believe that this time in her life is where she is also learning the majority of her life skills.
I want her to grow up to be a well adjusted member of our society. I do believe that she needs to be accountable for her actions. I also believe that at her age, there are circumstances and situations outside of her control. If there is a clear path of communication between you and us – it will be advantageous to all of us as we work together in training Geli to become the woman she will be.
In my mind, there are a few issues that I’d like to talk about.
First, Geli reads just about every day. Our girls get ready for bed at 7:00pm, and are in bed at 7:30pm. They read from 7:30pm until 8:00pm every night with the exception of Wednesday’s when they have swimming lessons from 6:00 – 7:00 pm. As soon as they get home, they have to get ready for bed, and then to go to sleep.
Reading is not an issue in our family. My kids would read for over an hour every night if I would let them, and they read quite a bit on the weekends, just for fun.
I think that the issue at hand is getting the form filled out. I cannot guarantee that this will happen every night. With 3 kids, a very tight schedule, way too many forms to fill out, papers to sign, homework to do, and tests to study for – it’s unfortunate, but things get missed. I can guarantee you that Geli does read almost every day of the week for longer than 20 minutes. I’m not certain how you want to work this issue out. If the form HAS to be filled out or she loses marks, I can fill it in once a week, based on our schedule of her reading for half an hour every night but Wednesday, or do you have another idea?
Second, there seems to be some discrepancy in regards to Geli and her library books. From what I understand, she is allowed to take 3 books out of the library on a regular basis. She has one book that has been misplaced, and I need to pay the $5.00 to have it replaced. This is not something that regularly happens in our house, and we have torn the house apart to look for it. I am certain that it is not here – where it is, exactly, I’m not sure. I’m wondering how she is supposed to read an “AR†book when she is not being allowed to take any books out of the library. If only “one†is late or misplaced, why are the other 2 books not able to be used until I come in and deal with the situation? It seems like an issue is being created, and not helped. It also seems like this issue is outside of her control. I will be coming in to pay for the book, hopefully today, if I remember.
The purpose of this letter is not to say that you can take no action if Geli does or does not do something that she should have or should not have done. I would just like to know about any issues that may come up before they turn into problems. I believe in being proactive in my approach to life. I prefer to deal with things earlier rather than later; head on, as opposed to hiding from them. I would like to deal with things “with†you, and not be on a different side.
I believe that we are working together in training Geli for her future. In working together, it is vitally important that we have clear lines of communication. As far as I knew, there were no problems. This does not seem to be the case as Geli has shown up with lines and a note, which indicates that she’s in trouble.
I understand that it is important that we deal with this correctly, and I want you to know that I am not mad or angry, just confused about how this is being handled. I’m certain that when we talk, we will come to a clear understanding of how to work together, going forward.
I would like to talk to you as soon as possible. I will stop by after school today when I pick up my kids, and if that’s not convenient, then maybe we can book a time to discuss this further.
Thank you for all the effort you put into training Geli.
Sincerely,
Me
October 24th, 2006 @ 4:53 pm
Hey Patti,
You have more tolerance than I do… I wouldn’t have had my kids do the “lines”… they still do that? I had no idea.
Two things I would have changed…when you said you would come in today “if I remember”… it makes you sound irresponsible or flighty… and “mad” and “angry” mean the same in your context so you were repeating yourself.
Overall, I believe you have communicated yourself clearly. You are passionate about how you want things handled and that’s a good thing.
I respect the teachers that work with my children and as a teacher myself I like some “room to move” when dealing with issues but as a parent I am the final authority in my childrens lives (apart from God of course). I will decide what I believe is best for them.
I think you’ve done that and Geli’s teacher should respect that.
I like your idea of sending the letter ahead of time, it really does give the other person some time to think about what is being said. I communicate with my childrens teacher most of the time via email unless I need to sit down with them… in this busy life it is the easiest and more efficient way.
I think you did a good job.
October 24th, 2006 @ 8:51 pm
I think it was great! I think we need to totally communicate with the teachers before there is a problem and I totally get why you were upset! I would be too! reminds me of finding out in grade 5 that Morgan was behind in 7 assignments and the teachers had not communicated with me AT ALL and it wasn’t until I went in to talk about a different matter that anything was disclosed….that wasn’t fair to her and her marks showed it! so yeah for you for making a CLEAR stand in the beginning….I have to do this with every teacher every year! I think it is necessary!
and boo hiss to the bank!! how rude eh?!
October 25th, 2006 @ 7:48 am
Amazing letter. Good job Patti. You were very articulate and right to the point. Now about the bank situation. Unbelievable. It that was me I would go to the bank and withdraw all the money (well in my case, would not be too much) and close my account. Some banks are not to customer service friendly.