So I played my guitar tonight……..in front of someone who’s REALLY good!

I even did okay. Not that I think that my guitar playing was okay, but I’m more talking emotionally. I was able to do it. I’m in a much better place emotionally than I was a year ago. A year ago, the fear and insecurity would have kept me from doing it, Or………if I actually scraped up the nerve to go ahead and play, then I would have been devastated for the next couple of days with crippling fear. Fear that they would think badly of me. Fear that they might talk to someone else about how bad I was. Fear that they might think badly of me. So many fears.

I used to say that I never let fear keep me from doing anything…….. I think the truth would be that I never put myself in a position to be fearful and not do something because if it. For example, I would have just said that I wasn’t good enough to play guitar, and so I couldn’t possibly get together and jam. That way, it wasn’t about being FREAKED, but more about the fact that I couldn’t play. See, I had myself psyched out good.

So stupid! It’s amazing the coping mechanisms that we use. An example of one of those….the self deprecating remarks that I kept throwing out tonight. Wouldn’t want you to think that I’ve got my “stuff” together! Nope! Not there yet, just getting closer! And closer is better than farther away or even staying still, ain’t it?