Here I am at 15 weeks. Excuse the nasty face I’m making. I was talking while Jon was taking the picture…..I should know better. I woke up this morning, and I feel a lot bigger. I know that I’m no where near the epic proportions that I will be in August, but I can feel my skin starting to stretch. I don’t think I’ll get any new stretch marks with this pregnancy. Don’t know if I can get any more than I already have. Not to mention that if I stay on a resonable weight gain track I should end up this pregnancy at the same weight that I started the last 3. Kind of amazing, eh?

I have my 16 week appointment on Thursday morning. I have wondered if I was feeling the baby move, but then I can’t feel anything for a while, and I start to wonder if it really was the baby or just gas ’cause goodness knows I’ve had a ton of that.

I worry and know I shouldn’t but sometimes it’s hard! I feel more confident going into this doctor’s appointment, ’cause……..’cause….well, I’m not really sure why? Maybe ’cause I’ve made it futher than the ;ast pregnancy (5 weeks) and the one before that (12 weeks) and even the one before that (15 weeks). It’s the one before that that makes the entire pregnancy a bit more difficult.

Stillbirth can happen to anyone at anytime, and unfortunately for me, I had no explanation as to why it happened. So it’s not like I can breathe a sigh of relief ’cause this baby doesn’t have the same problems as the last ones…..I just have to trust that everything is going to be okay.

It can be very difficult. Blind Trust!

We went into Jon’s parents church yesterday ’cause Jon was speaking. I’m still scared to let everyone know that I’m pregnant. It’s such a strange feeling. Here I am at home, and we talk about it all the time with the kids, and even with some friends of ours – we are open about it. But getting ready for church yesterday morning, all I could think about was that I wasn’t ready to tell anyone, and how do I look fashionable and not dumpy and is it possible to hide my gut so no one asks me any questions.

I’m not ashamed to be pregnant, but I don’t know….it’s almost as if no one knows, then I won’t have to explain if something did go wrong. Not that I’m expecting anything to, but I don’t know………

It’s such a head trip. Unless you’ve experienced it, it’s almost impossible to explain how I’m feeling……..

I’m hoping for the best, and yet in the back of my mind, I know that the worst can happen. Doesn’t mean that it’s GOING to happen or that I’m EXPECTING it to happen……I just know that it can…..and that messes up with a lot of the joy and expectancy of the state of being pregnant.

NOW, having said that…I don’t want to live under the umbrella of depression and denial (too much)………. We were at Value Village, on the weekend, to get the kids a “treat” for cleaning the house for me. The managed to bust through the entire thing (minus their own bedrooms) within an hour. Love those little munchkins. I mean, we had to bribe them, but for $3 per kid to spend at the VV Boutique…….it’s totally worth it.

I found some cloth diapers and 2 diaper covers. I’d like to try to cloth diaper with this one. There are a few reasons, but let’s just skip those for right now. These are the fitted velco diapers and they came with an insert. I don’t think they will fit a newborn, but possibly the next size up. There were 8 of them, each with an insert, and 2 plastic covers all for $14.00. Even though it’s not enough, I figure it’s a start. I just gotta keep looking for more. I was pretty happy to find them….see, it’s not all doom and gloom around here.

Well, I really should do something else today other than just sit here blog rolling all day.

Gotta go and make a list. I’ll be honest and tell ya that I didn’t do my bathrooms last week. I know, I know! What a slacker! But today, TODAY it THE DAY! They are my number 1 priority. If fact I might even go and spray them down while I make a list………hmmmmm….

Well, Hope you all have a great day!